i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
