Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
