My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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