my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
