Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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