I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
