i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
