What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
