You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
