He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
