she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
As shirtless as possible
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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