He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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