Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
