I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
