I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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