yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
This is my gift to your gina
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
