I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
