Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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