Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he shaved USA in his pubs
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize