Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
