so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
