I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Randomize