You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
