is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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