are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
