so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
