She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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