Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
In other news, I just burned my penis
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize