guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
babies were throwing up all over the place
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Vodka?
Forever.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
