Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
