I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
