dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
