The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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