If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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