dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
