I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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