its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
