is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
