the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
