went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
