My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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