Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
