You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
