remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
