he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you inspire me to be a worse person
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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