Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
