Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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