Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
