the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize