he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
