**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
