I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
