nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
