I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize