I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
