i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
