I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
