You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
