Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
