I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
