I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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