My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
