I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
