Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
