If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
