I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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