does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
