There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize