i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
