Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
