I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
