It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
