): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
