he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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