Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
