i already hear my dad disowning me
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
