Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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